So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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