everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize