I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
