I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
