I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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