And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
