if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
