I'm going to jail i love you
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize