My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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