I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
