Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
