I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize