...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
