that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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