Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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