I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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