So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
