Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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