im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
