Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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