I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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