She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
