Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
