Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
