go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize