He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
