just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
