No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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