oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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