What a fucking waste of an outfit
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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