why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
