It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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