Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
tell me about the fingering
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