Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found puke in my bra..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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