I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet he comes in French.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
