I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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