Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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