She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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