Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
