He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
