not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
