You're my little dorito
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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