Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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