it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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