we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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