sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
