By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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