she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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