He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
