I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
