Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
