Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
