____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
