is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize