Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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