were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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