It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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