If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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