And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
