Do you still have your period?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
