If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
