i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone came in the potted fern
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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