do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
