We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
