I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize