i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
