I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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