shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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