i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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