Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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