When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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