she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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