I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
