my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
