The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
