On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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