I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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