that's an acceptable place to lick
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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