In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize