Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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