his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
