Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
