I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
