I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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