but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
