my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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