i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
