...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
