You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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