Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
