Moan for me like Helen Keller
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
