Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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